Saturday, May 2, 2009


I had an discussion with a friend a few days ago that left me with a feeling of failure.
Doesn't it seem like when it rains it pours??
On top of the energy out-put it takes to start a new business, the overwhelming feeling of being a new home owner and the long days that provide us with more eyes open and less rest... I am feeling like I am spread a little thin.
I have always been of the type of animal that takes on guilt. (Remorse as well, self criticism and self judgement!) It is a dark night for me when I feel like I let someone down. More and more I am realizing that this is inevitable. I can't make everyone happy. Also, I can't continue to relish in making people happy. Some neutrality most be there to conserve my life nectar! What a relief it is to admit that I can't be what my perception of perfect is. It is far nicer than what I think it is!

So, I told Sonnie (my boyfriend) about the discussion I had with said friend in an agitated way. He told me to

just be soft for a moment.

My resistance to his comment suprised me. It was the best advice, and I knew it, but I felt an exoskeleton piecing itself together around my heart when he said it. It is sometimes hard to hear the best advice from the person you love the most! I reacted with a little bit more agitation, but a little drop of that comment infected my life for the next couple of days. It turned into my mantra... be soft, be soft, be soft.
Softness/ or compassion and friendliness (karuna and maitri in sanskrit) means malleability. The ability to be OPEN. Receptive. Loving. The word took on many profound meanings to me over the course of 48 hours.
Rigidity /or dullness, (styana in sanskrit) is one of the biggest and baddest obstacles to real yoga! Sutra 1.30.
It is amazing how difficult is can be to accept change and adapt to new situations!

Life has had a few little challenges lately. Small and insignificant in comparison to the world, but also little bubbles of opportunity to be aware of in my universe.
When life happens... I am thankful for my yoga practice. Without challenge there would be less contemplation for me. Yoga could turn out to be something like gymnastics. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that it is so much more.
We all face these challenges. The amazing thing is that we are in this life thing together. It leaves no one out.
I hope we can all have the courage to be more open and less rigid.
"The play seems to be, once again, to increase the capacity to allow for the feelings and thoughts to arise without having to accept or reject them. The neutral resistance to the usual pathway seems to create a friction or heat that generates the required spaciousness."

Thanks to all those people who help me see more clearly.

By the way, life is great too!! I just think that it is cool to open up the lines of communication sometimes that are not so flowery and sing-songy.

Sonnie and I are also looking for a room mate (or a couple) for June to September in a lovely town house 5 minutes from down town Squamish. Sunny deck, open concept, great room mates (us!), no pets unfortunately. Pictured up above... Squamish... BC's greatest secret.

My email is



Sarah and Lydia said...

Thanks for sharing...the bumps in the road are indeed where we discover the depths of ourselves, our relationships and our practice.

i love you.

tschnugg said...

You two are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your openness. And Lydia, what a gift to share your life with such a guru. Such wisdom in those simple words.

I share your challenge. I've had a simple meditation now for 18 months, and I'm still working on it ... it is: "loosen your grip". I can hold on so tight to (fill in the blank) that my grip constricts. The result is at times the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. My discovery of this came through a guided meditation - in metaphor, of course. What an amazing process. Will have to tell you about that one day. Here's to the journey!